I’ll be the first to admit I’m an expert at love, but I suck at relationships. I give love, receive love and make love exceptionally. But, when it comes to the rules of togetherness, I fall short. Honestly I don’t think I can blame it on the disconnect between man and woman. I’ve failed in my relationships with women too.
Love is too easy. It’s in my nature to explore it and to be explored by it. Falling in love might be my favorite thing to do. Unfolding like a flower, getting into a stranger’s most intimate spaces, making home in a human being. It is the only true adventure. Love is like an ocean where relationships feel like life guards.
The hard part. The technicalities. Love says fall where relationships say wait. Does this make sense? Is this too soon? Where is this going? Love is allowed to get messy where relationships must have boundaries. It makes sense for love to not always make sense, but a relationship must be defined.
A husband and wife have vows. A boyfriend and girlfriend have expectations.
I can’t say these rules don’t add cushions to doubt and insecurity or that they don’t provide necessary structure, but they do stop us from doing what we feel. They put a hault to questions that have no true answers.
“Can you love more than one person at the same time?” Relationship says you better not even think about it. “Can you fall out of love and back in love again?” Relationship says you don’t know what you want. “Can you give your all when you don’t have all you need?” Relationship says your better get your life together!
Love is cyclical where relationships are linear and I’m not sure who’s idea it was to put them together. Likely a product of “the grown-ups.”
In the spirit of healing, my solution has been to stop finding a solution. I’ve stopped craving absolution, because there is no absolution from love. We fall short when are short of ourselves. It’s too much when we’re filled with self. Until a love finds us that values our love more than the rules of a relationship, we will always be coming up short or overwhelming our lovers.
But love has its rules too. The most important is self love. You can only receive the love you know. And if you fail to know yourself, what love won’t you accept? So love you, love hard and be open to making mistakes in your relationship when you find someone to love you back.