It’s simple: you’ll leave him.
“You’re always on the phone,” he says, “it’s like you always have time for them and not me.” At first it seems sweet. He wants you all to himself. You’ve finally met someone who wants you for you. Plus, what’s cancelling one wine night? The girls will understand.
But then, one wine night becomes three ignored phone calls. You really want your new love to know you value his time as much as he values yours. So, you start texting back instead of picking up. You tell yourself you’ll call back but then life happens. (which really isn’t life, it’s sex.)
Sex happens. Then sleep happens. Then a new norm of putting your girls second happens, because let’s be real; this could be the man you marry. Do you really want to lose him by choosing your friends over him?
Then suddenly, the weirdest thing happens. Things begin to change. Maybe it’s an argument or maybe just a slow disconnect. You want to tell your girls, but he says what happens between you two should stay between you two. Your friends won’t understand. They’re not even your real friends anyway. They’re jealous of you (you discovered this in one of your recent discussions with your boyfriend.) But he doesn’t want to talk about your current issues, so you keep it to yourself.
As time goes by, this small disconnect leads to constant friction. You’re getting on his nerves and he’s driving you up a wall. Too bad it’s been months since you’ve connected with your girls. If you call them now, they’ll said they told you so. Maybe they won’t even pick up. So what now?
Now, to be fair, this scenario speaks true to specific types of partners: emotional manipulators. They know no gender, no sign and no particular cultural background. What they have in common is a desire to be the sole focus of their lovers’ lives. Sometimes they’ve experienced abandonment in their childhoods and other times they may be socially awkward resulting in no consistent close bonds of their own.
Don’t let the false confidence fool you, some of the most outwardly dominant people can be the most insecure. So how can you apply this to your relationship?
A healthy relationship improves you, it doesn’t force you to eliminate pieces of yourself including your loved ones. If you feel uncomfortable bringing your friends around your partner or choosing time with friends instead of time with your partner, it might be time for a talk. If you don’t feel comfortable expressing yourself or disagreeing with your partner, it could be time to consider separating.
Emotionally manipulative relationships are highly toxic because of their capacity to make victims believe they are thinking for themselves when in fact they are being controlled by guilt, threats and in sever cases, physical harm.
Friends offer perspective. Perspective leads to analysis. Analysis often leads to questions and discussions. Don’t eliminate perspectives to worship a perspectives that isn’t yours. Healing isn’t a solo journey. Appreciate all your passengers.