I don’t know what it is about the end of summer or the start of the holidays, but suddenly we need to be chosen. We get so obsessed with being chosen that we stop choosing ourselves.

“Pick me!” “Pick me!” We pick ourselves apart trying to be picked. We want to be held so we stop holding ourselves accountable. We want to be called so we stop announcing our calls to action. We want to be the one, so we settle to be 2, 3 and 4 hoping that our loyalty will get us to where we know we deserve to be.

Truth is, any man in your intimate space who’s not your man and more importantly not A Man is a distraction. And here’s why.

Today’s media outlets and social media platforms make love appear instantaneous. They are more interested in showing highlights than realism. After all, what is realism in love but awkward silences and boring hum drum. At the end of the day being human is not always as dramatic as music and film make it out to be.

But, this idea of instantaneous romance tells us that it doesn’t take much to have and keep an intimate relationship, which couldn’t be further from the truth. It takes absolutely everything you have.

From dates, to sex, to communication, relationships require so much of your mental space. With most women being highly intuitive and often emotional, we are with our partners even when we’re not physically with them. We’re thinking of their day, their thoughts, their well-being and more. We even wonder throughout the day if they’re thinking about us. We take their trials into consideration before they even share them with us. And that’s just the mental factor.

Now, imagine getting emotionally connected to someone who isn’t emotionally connected to you. That’s got to be exhausting! Walking on egg shells about feelings that are inevitable in intimacy, feeling gas lighted whenever you express yourself, or feeling alone even in together moments. At this point you might start to wonder, “Why am I doing this again?”

Oh yeah, the sex. Sex hits different when feelings are involved. That’s why he allows it and why you want to be chosen so badly by him. It’s the eye contact, the kisses, the focus, his body on yours. You never want it to end. The saddest part is that it never started; this is a fleeting moment in time.

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